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About Life:
Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. -- Lou Erickso
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us. -- Thomas L. Holdcroft
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. -- Winston Churchill
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi
Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. -- Ann Landers
Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.-- Buddha
Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop peddling.-- Claude Pepper
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would
begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza
In the book of life every page has two sides: we human beings fill the upper side with our plans, hopes and wishes, but providence
writes on the other side, and what it ordains is seldom our goal. -- Nisami
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -- Buddha
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain
an undefeated season. -- Bill Baughan
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. -- Anonymous
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are
a vegetarian.-- Shari R. Barr
All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.-- Samuel Butler
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. -- Josh Billings
A great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up. -- Albert Schweitzer
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. -- Anonymous
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. -- Danny Kaye
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.-- Abraham Lincoln
Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and
that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...-- Isak Dinesen
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a
miracle. -- Albert Einstein
Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. -- Steven Coallier
Life isn't worth living unless you're willing to take some big chances and go for broke.-- Eliot Wiggington
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. -- Karl Wallenda
On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is
the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him. -- Buddha
In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed. -- Sid Caesar
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways. -- Anonymous
Jokes:
1. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2. Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
3. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4. Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5. Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella
and go.
6. Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs back.
7. Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
8. Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers
in the car he was driving..
9. Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10. Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11. Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12. A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan
is PM not AM".
13. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14. Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15. Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16. A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the
woman replied Sweetly,"i'll have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18. A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20. Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21. What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22. Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the
waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
23. Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain
them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient
to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24. As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26. What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do
so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his
friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother
to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home
on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane
waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears
for going forward, but only one for going back!)
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned
to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer
for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost
: "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat
me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fi Aap ke character
ka kya hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale
ghar pahunch jaate hai.
50 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied...
Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
51 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
53 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
54 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
55 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
56 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
57 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
58 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
59 Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...
60 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
61 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
62 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy
HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
63 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch & finally said
BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
64 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
65 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
66 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
67 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
68 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
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ALL CONTENTS ARE PROVIDED BY MANDEEP SINGH.
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